Resolutions for the New Year

Seven days until 30. Seven days until 30. Seven days until 30.

I'm both dreading my upcoming milestone birthday and happily anticipating it. As a rock star from way back, my last milestone birthday was my 27th, at which point I had a "Dead at 27" get-together to celebrate the fact that years of unrelenting partying had not yet killed me, and I promised myself that I would be nicer to my body and mind from there on out. For the most part, I've kept that promise. Let's just say there have been way more mornings-after hangovers than apologies since then. Phew.

"Dead at 27" Rockstar Party (2009)

My 25th birthday allowed me not only cheaper car insurance, but more opportunity for college financial aid. It took me a year to act on that before returning to school, but in the meantime I found a cognitive behavioral therapist and prepared myself to be a happier, more productive person. By the time I signed up for classes at my community college, I was ready to commit. And now I'm only two semesters away from getting a degree (in a subject I love, no less).

The point I'm getting to with these cheesy-hopeful anecdotes is that I generally think of birthdays as personal New Years, involving much reflection and major resolutions, and despite hiccups along the way, this association seems to work to my advantage. Allow me to indulge in a now-typical, upper-middle class American way of assessing my decades in terms of "self": 

On a road trip with my friend Nicki when I was 25 (2007)

My teens were about learning how society outside my family unit worked, and dealing with the conflicts that those first independent interpersonal relationships bring. They were about being the center of my own universe, and thinking that everything happening around me was happening to me. They were about setting impossible goals and dealing with the inevitable disappointment that comes when you learn that perfection is unattainable.

My early twenties were about giving up completely and losing control. They were about total self-indulgence and fighting to be someone who I was not. Luckily, they soon started being about exploring my self, my interests, my motivations, and my true sources of happiness. They were about learning to maintain good relationships and end bad ones. Most recently, they've been about self-awareness and commitment to living my own life to its fullest potential.

At a printmaking show I was in last fall, age 29 (2011)

And what do I expect my 30s to be about? What do I want to focus on?

Fighting self-doubt. Feeling good about who I am in the present, even as I seek to improve that person. Saying no when I mean it, rather than giving someone that cowardly "maybe" when I know that's not the truth. Living by example and practicing what I preach. Taking risks where they're most needed - in my art and in love and in support of my principles.

The way to reach these goals, of course, is to break them down into manageable mini-goals, which I already have in mind. I will, however, wait to elaborate on these in another post, as this has been a lengthy enough soapbox stand already. Cheers.

I miss THIS.

Since I've last written, I moved out of the apartment I was sharing with Sarah and into a new one with another roomie who ended up leaving halfway through the lease. And, luckily for me, Sarah moved into this new place with me a couple weeks ago. Due to this shifting of space and roommates, a lot of reorganization has been needed on my part. So, I have spent many hours sorting through scattered masses of notes, diaries, travel journals, and other random scrawlings. This, of course, led to countless hours of procrastination in between, during which I decided to reread many of my online blog entries from the past couple of years. Spending so much time reviewing this blog (and all the writings that could have been a part of it) has made me realize something: I miss personal blogging. A LOT.

Why did I quit?

I suppose because I've been trying to turn my online efforts toward more professionally productive avenues, such as building my artist's website (nriceart.com) and a Tumblr account (nriceart.tumblr.com) to go with it. There were business cards to be made, artworks to be photographed, and even a QR code to be created that needed to lead my contacts to a self-made mobile site. With all of this artistic ammunition in hand, I attended my first SGC printmaking conference in New Orleans.

"It's For The Best" Litho by N.Rice (2012)

But that conference took place in March, and since then, outside of creating some awesome new prints, I was just doing a lot of Facebooking. (I also traveled to Amsterdam, started working on music with a new band, and dealt with all sorts of man-drama in my personal life... all quite noteworthy ways to spend one's time, but those stories are for another day.)

And so I'm back!! I'm turning 30 in 13 days, am about to start my LAST year of art school (yes, I will actually have a degree soon, and after only 12 years of on-again-off-again college attendance), and I'm not about to miss out on documenting the achievements and horrors that are sure to befall me over the next year. Riding on the cusp of thirty has me doing all sorts of reflecting, analyzing, obsessing, and promising myself changes in lifestyle and thought patterns. I need to share it all somewhere, or my life may as well be a tree falling in the forest, with no one to hear it.

So, can we take the next hour and talk about me?

My Favorite Quotes in 2011

"Truth is, I've always been thirsty." - Edward Bloom, Big Fish



"We're done with you. Go back to the golf course and work on your putz." - Dark Helmet, Spaceballs

"Madness need not be all breakdown. It may also be break-through. It is potential liberation and renewal as well as enslavement and existential death." - R. D. Laing

"Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer and die." - Mel Brooks

"Waiting is painful. Forgetting is painful. But not knowing which to do is the worst kind of suffering." - Paulo Coelho



"Whatever I did, I did without rules of other people. I did it because I wanted to do it." - Herb Vogel



"Maybe if I hadn't of seen so much hard feelings, I might not could have felt other people's." - Woody Guthrie (from "Another Man's Done Gone")

“Fate loves the fearless.” - James Russell Lowell

My Favorite Quotes in 2010

"Live very week like it's Shark Week." - Tracy Jordan (30 Rock)



“Never succumb to the temptation of bitterness.” - Martin Luther King, Jr.

"I shall no doubt find pleasure in examining the etchings which you hold out as an inducement to call." - from The Erie Train Boy by Horatio Alger, Jr.

"To put it bluntly, American political opportunities are heavily loaded against those who are simultaneously intelligent and honest." - Richard Dawkins



"I saw a beggar leaning on his wooden crutch, he said to me, 'you must not ask for so much.' And a pretty woman leaning in her darkened door, she cried to me, 'Hey, why not ask for more?'" - Leonard Cohen ("Bird On The Wire")

"The hours that make us happy make us wise." - John Mansfield

"It has been said that art is a tryst, for in the joy of it maker and beholder meet." - Kojiro Tomita

"I pray to be like the ocean, with soft currents, maybe waves at times. More and more, I want the consistency rather than the highs and the lows." - Drew Barrymore

“Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a bull not to attack you because you are a vegetarian.” - Dennis Wholey

"Accept what people offer. Drink their milkshakes. Take their love." - Wally Lamb

"My version of falling in love is borderline psychotic. Should be avoided at all costs. Get obsessed. Can't fall in love and function at the same time. All-consuming. Tunnel vision. Euphoric." - Graham Norton

And now, a word against bitterness...

When I was a young lass, I asked one of my guy friends if he thought I was pretty. He said, "you'd be pretty if you lost some weight."

Sometime later that year, I wrote a love letter to another boy I was friends with, and delivered it to him in person. Then, we just continued hanging out, both pretending that he hadn't read it.

The next year, my boyfriend at the time was having a bad night at work, so I brought him what I thought was his favorite kind of ice cream. He looked at my surprise gift and said, "I like chocolate chip, not cookie dough."

During my senior year, I invited a boy I liked to a party. He showed up then made out with two of my best friends.

When I was a little older, I briefly dated a man who refused to be my boyfriend because he "didn't want to be in a relationship." A few days after I tried to get him to commit, he came to my band's show and introduced everyone to his new girlfriend. Needless to say, it was not me.

Then there were the times I actually fell in love with them, but never them with me. Those were the worst... like the one who told me he was attracted to me and that I was his best friend, but that he couldn't date me. Or the one who made me cry when I told him I wouldn't be kissing him again until he admitted he had feelings for me.  Or the one who told me that hanging around with me fulfilled him in the same way a girlfriend would, so now he would just have to find someone to have sex with.

But I'M NOT BITTER - and I'm so sick of meeting people who are! Get over it and allow yourself a little happiness. The walls you put up make you so boring - don't you know that? Share a little, love a little, and stop being a selfish, miserable prick who leaves a trail of pretty little crushed hearts everywhere you go. Life is about openness - to people, to experiences, to love.

Some advice for all you bitter bastards out there:

• Learn to take a compliment
• When you see someone you know, say hi to them
• Smile, for fuck's sake
• If you get someone's number, call them
• At least pretend to like yourself
• Learn to trust, and share
• Accept a little blame, then move on
• Or go become a stand-up comedian and put your self-hatred to good use

Happy Thanksgiving! If I love you, you know it, and you may consider this blog entry a toast to the immense amount of joy you contribute to this world. Cheers!